Create a new, better, reality

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

Ask anyone who is living their ‘normal’ life what they would like to improve, and the same things always come up. Yes, more money would be nice. Less stress would be welcome. More love and connection. Less anxiety. More freedom, working less, doing things I love!

And that makes so much sense. Because they are all connected to this high-resonating emotion called Joy. More money can give more freedom, less stress and anxieties, and more space to do things you love. More love is exactly that: joy. Freedom is joy. And it is our most natural state.

You know that’s true if you watch a baby. Its default state is joy, unless something is bothering him or her. But when you feed it, change its diaper (again), and hold him or her in your arms, it goes straight back to joy.

The older we get, however, the less we focus on that state anymore. Because ‘reality’ kicks in. We have to do things that we don’t enjoy. Cleaning up your toys as a kid, do your homework, and when you grow up, it gets even worse. And we have learned in our upbringing to keep focusing on those things. Why? Because we have to. We have to clean the house. We have to do groceries. We have to fill in our taxes. We have to. And that programming started back when we were kids.

Don’t do this. Don’t shout. Don’t eat with your hands. Sit still. Conform to the rules. Work hard and long hours. Follow certainty, don’t take risks, be careful.

And it all comes from the love for our children, don’t get me wrong, but there lies the foundation of so why so many people are unhappy with their lives.

Millenials do it right

A lot of Millennials get this. They are the first generation for a very long time, that declare they want to do what they love. And for that, they get judged by all older generations, for being lazy, not wanting to grind, and expecting everything to come towards them.

But you know what? They are right. You should do what brings joy to your life.

Photo by Shridhar Gupta on Unsplash

And what does it bring? Innovation from millennials who invented the term start-ups (in the old days you would just start a company and call it a company. Now you have a start-up — inventing something awesome!). With amazing ideas and entrepreneurial spirit to just taking the leap and going for it. Creating new things and ideas to improve the world and then doing things they love.

But if you’re not a millennial, or you are, but you followed your parents’ advice to take the ‘safe route’, chances are you are feeling something’s missing in your life.

Or you found out during the pandemic what your real priorities are and now you feel stuck, alone, depressed or isolated. You are missing it:

And it is this thing called Joy.

So, changing your life into the life you desire, with more Joy, means you have to understand why you don’t have that yet.

And without me knowing you, you, who reads this, and what your specific situation is, let me give you a blueprint of the process you’ve been going through. Because everyone does this. And by knowing that blueprint, you can then start to redesign that blueprint. And create a new reality, with the exact amount of Joy you want.

Reality is a result

Your reality today is a result of the actions from your recent past. If you’re in a job you don’t like, well, it was you — at some point in time — that took this job. That was a decision.

If you’re in a relationship you feel doesn’t work, well, it was you — at some point in time — that committed to this relationship.

If you’re not making the money you want… well, you get the idea, right?

So what you have created in your current reality, is all by your own doing. And that’s a good thing. I mean, look around, and just leave the attention off what you don’t like. Take a look at all the things you do like. They are also the result of your decisions from the (recent or not so recent) past.

Don’t beat yourself up too hard, okay? Because you did a lot of things right and you manifested all that in to your life too.

So, your reality is just a result of past decisions.

The path to decisions

Now, where did those decisions come from?

They all — without exception — came from 1 single source: your focus. Whatever your focus has, leads to a decision. And the direction of your decision is based on the feeling and thoughts you have about the subject.

You think all day long. A lot of thoughts pass through your brain in a day. Some say around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day. Now that is a lot.

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

These thoughts are connected with your body because your brain is not only creating thoughts but is also responsible for how your body operates. What hormones need to be pushed out, what protein needs to be activated, what genes need to do what. That’s how feelings start getting in to the mix. Feelings are the language of the body so to say, whereas thoughts are the language of your mind.

Thoughts that can be either negative, neutral, or positive. Depending on the type of thought, it triggers a certain feeling that can grow into an emotion.

So far the biology.

Reality feeds thoughts

Now, how you feel, also feeds what you think again. This closed-loop can emphasize your current state. You can think yourself into a negative emotion very fast. Especially when your ‘Reality’ supports the way you think.

You don’t like your job, so your thoughts go down that rabbit hole, and the feeling kicks in. Then your boss comes in and gives you a stupid assignment. Or a customer has a complaint. Or your colleague forgot his deodorant that morning. Anything can trigger you and it adds to the opinion you don’t like your job.

You hate it you don’t have a lot of money, and then that bill you didn’t expect comes in. And you see the price at the checkout while doing groceries. “Why is everything so expensive! Look at how little I bought and what it costs!”

Your reality emphasizes the situation, the feeling, and your thoughts.

Now, if you’re in that closed-loop of negative thinking, what has your focus? Exactly, the negative aspect. So if that’s your focus, then that’s where your decision-making is based on.

How would it be different, if we change the focus?

What if, instead of you pointing your focus on the job you don’t like, focus on what you do like to do? Would it be likely you stay where you are? Or are you actively going to search for that what you do like, and want?

Focus matters

So. Focus matters. Absolutely. And this starts with the awareness of your main focus. Are you focusing on the things you don’t want? Or are you focusing on the things you do want?

And what does it do with the thoughts you’re having? Do you think they stay the same? Or do you think they will try to support your new focus point?

I assure you, it’s the latter.

But it won’t come by itself. It needs practice.

You know, you’ve been using this technique for your whole life, but never realized you did. So changing that, is like trying to brush your teeth with the other hand than you’re doing it normally. You wouldn’t even think of it trying that. Unless you’re aware.

The same goes for change in our life. We are not aware, until something happens that makes us aware.

So let this be your wake-up call. You can change when you change your focus.

Words matter

Now, words do matter a lot. If you’re keep telling yourself you’re not good at math, do you think you enjoy doing math? Are you willing to put time into it to learn it? No. You won’t. Because you’re not good at math so why even try.

I never was a runner. I didn’t like it, I was bad at it, so I never ran further than 20 meters.

Then the pandemic hit and I couldn’t play tennis anymore. But I did want to work on my condition. And I realized that when I could change my focus and my words, things would change. So I told myself, I am a runner. I want to run 5km. Within 2 months I reached my goal. 2 months later I ran my first 10km.

So words matter a lot. It’s how we define things, how we give commands to do things or don’t do things.

Which one you would think works better:
“Don’t forget your keys!” Or:
“Remember to bring your keys.”

Well, don’t think of an elephant. Don’t picture it in your mind. Don’t hear the elephant in your head. Wait, what? You did see and hear it? But I said don’t think of an elephant….

So yes. Words matter, a lot.

This means that if you want to change your reality, you’ve got to take two important steps.

1. Change the words you use to talk to yourself (and to others)

2. Change the focus of your thoughts and feelings.

Because that’s how you create reality.

Don’t let the reality you created in the past, determine your focus for the present you want to create from the future.

Ignore the reality as a guide for where you focus most on. Take the actions that determine your future. Not the ones that reconfirm your current reality from the past.

What’s next?

Well, this is simply said but not easy to do. You’ve been programmed and trained for so many years to think and live like this, you might want to call in some help.

And that’s what I do in my work. I help people like you to change this focus. On how you think and feel. So you can build anything in life you desire. More money, more love, more freedom, whatever you’re willing to put your focus on.

Click on this link to schedule a free strategy session with me to see how I am able to help you with that with the coaching programs I run on exactly that.

Because remember, everything IS possible.

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Maurice Zondag

Maurice Zondag

I help men create their desired life as a certified Life Success Coach and LoA Coach. I love sharing ideas on how you can improve your life. Follow me for more