How do you create the life you want?
Some people seem to be born for success, where others keep struggling. Here are 6 things you can start doing today to increase your success in life.
Wouldn’t it be great, if you would have a magic wand and by brambling a spell you, all of a sudden, have all the money you want, your health is supreme, you have the ultimate love of your life there next beside you and you live the best life you can possibly think of?
Well, you might have heard the news, there is no such magic wand. But does that also mean all of the above isn’t possible at all? For many of us it seems like that. Everyday struggle to make ends meet, suffering in relationships, or staying stuck in a job they hardly enjoy.
Then why is it that there are there people out there, that do seem to have all that?
Did they do find a magic wand? Are they extremely smart? Are they born into this?
Well, probably not. Tony Robbins for instance, one of the first life coaches in the world — he already was a life coach before everyone started calling himself one — is living a most purposeful life. He is a multi-milionaire, has a beautiful wife and multiple successful businesses. But he wasn’t always like that. He had a very troubling childhood and they had no money to have a decent meal at the table.
Will Smith, the actor, the same thing. Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Lady Gaga. All the same. They started with nothing, and now seem to have it all.
Now if you would ask all of them if they had found a magic wand (or let’s just call it ‘luck’) I’m pretty sure they’ll tell you they didn’t.
And that their success didn’t happen overnight.
But it did happen.
What is their success?
So, maybe you don’t need a magic wand, an IQ of >120 or being born rich, to still have the life you secretly would fantasies about.
They, these successful people, do have a couple of things in common though.
They do what they love, they don’t mind working hard for it, they are confident and belief in themselves, no matter what others say, amongst others. They created their own reality.
Modeling
One of the techniques this same Tony Robbins teaches is called ‘modeling’. Modeling is a technique from the field of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) that looks at patterns and behaviours, actions and beliefs of those you see doing what you also want to do and then make your own version of it.
If you model how Max Verstappen drives his Formula 1 race car around the track, you might be able to learn, or improve, your racing skills too. If you model the way Jay Shetty approaches failure, you might fail less (or be okay with it).
So when we start to model successful people, the next things will start to show.
1. You are different than everybody else, and that’s awesome!
We’re all unique, and yet we try to be like everyone else. Social media is emphasizing that. We only see the good and awesome things everyone is doing and start comparing it to our own lives, where we experience also the not so awesome things.
They: Good. Me: Bad.
Because our brain is always on the lookout for bad things, we tend to focus on only that. We kind of forget the good things, but remember all the bad things. That’s just how our brain works, so don’t worry.
No, literally, don’t worry!
When you realize that those people you see online only show that one side, you realize that it’s not the complete reality you’re seeing. They also want to blend in.
We are social creatures and by default that means that we want other people to like us. And we like what we recognize, so we try to be like them.
That’s where the saying comes from “you become like the 5 people you spend most time with”. We adapt to the (sub)culture of that group. We become like the average of the group.
But you are not that group, and you’re not the average. You are unique!
There is no one, there has never been one, and there will never be one, like you. In all history of human kind, there has never been someone who is exactly like you!
So embrace that uniqueness!
Be proud of your uniqueness. It is what makes you, you!
So don’t try to be like Elon Musk, Michael Jordan or Mother Theresa.
Be You.
You can learn from their experience, insights, beliefs, and incorporate that into your own uniqueness. But be: You.
Become more You. So you can share more of you with the world!
2. Follow your passion because that’s where you excel!
We learn from our childhood on that we need to follow certain steps and have to do the work that’s not always fun. So you learn from a very young age that sometimes you just have to shut up and do the work.
And there you are. Twenty, thirty or more years later, in that shitty job you don’t really like, but does bring money in so you can pay for your mortgage, the car and 2 weeks of vacation.
We focus on our retirement, because then we can do what’s fun.
But why wait so long?
What if you don’t live to see it? What has your life been worth then? Working hard in a job you didn’t love — but learned to accept as okay — and then what?
That’s not living, that’s vegetation.
Besides, we are better at things we like and love, so you’re actually not doing your boss a favor either. He’d better hire someone that does have a passion for what you’re doing, because that person would probably outperform you by a landslide.
How would your life be, if you would do, every single day, that one thing you love?
And that thing could be anything. Maybe you love to read and write. Maybe you’d love to design or invent stuff. Maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you love to play video games.
Well, whatever it is you love, the real question is: how can I make this into my ‘job’?
Maybe you should be a copywriter. Maybe you should be an engineer. Maybe you should be a travel vlogger for your local TV station (or have your own YouTube channel). Maybe you should work for a gaming magazine and test out all new games.
I’m just saying — and these came up while I wrote these — you can make that decision. It may need some time maybe, guts for sure, education probably, but it is just one decision away.
Often it is fear that is holding us from that. Making money with that thing that I love? That’s not for me… We are primed to suffer.
So we suffer.
Face the fear, talk to it and let it come up with solutions. Because it is easy to seek the problems why it will not work. It’s far more interesting how you can make it work. Again, all it needs is your decision to discover that.
I dare you!
3. Don’t take advice from your friends!
This counts also for most family members.
Don’t get me wrong, they do mean well. They care for you and don’t want you to be hurt; guard you from failures.
But seriously, what do they know?
They live their own life, making their own decisions and that has nothing to do with your life and your dreams.
Better ask advice, or look at people that are already there where you want to go (remember the modeling technique?).
These days with social media and online presence it has become so much easier to reach out to your idol and follow him or her. Learn from them. Look if they (or someone else in that industry) has a masterclass. Or a YouTube interview where they tell you exactly what they did.
That is what I love about Masterclass.com (no affiliate — just a fan). Heroes from all sorts share their wisdom with you for only a couple of bucks a year. From Serena Williams to Lewis Hamilton, from Christina Aguilera to Steve Martin, they share their master craft.
If you trade in your Apple TV+ and Netflix accounts for 1 Masterclass account, Mindvalley or Skillshare account, you’re actually learning things.
Let them inspire you and follow your own path.
4. What you believe is true!
“It doesn’t matter if you believe you can, or you believe you can’t, you’re always right.” — Henry Ford
It’s a quote I love, because it holds so much truth. Our belief system determines what we believe is true. Make sense, right? If we believe it is true, then, well it is true, at least for us.
If I believe I can’t make a million dollars a year, chances aren’t high I’m even going to try to make a million dollars a year, right?
If I believe I am not a runner, I’m never going to train to run a marathon.
What we believe, is our truth.
So what would happen if you would change a belief?
Well, interesting enough, things do change.
Let me share my own experience there.
I had that not-being-a-runner belief. Until I changed it and started telling myself I am a runner. Within 4 months I was able to run 5 kilometer; in 6 months I doubled it to 10. And I’d never run before any longer than 20 meters.
Sure, the first time I ran was a disaster. I couldn’t even run 100 meters straight. And yes, the doubt kept creeping in. But I kept repeating to myself: “I am a runner, I can do this!”
And so I did.
So let that be an inspiration for you to at least question your beliefs. How are they helping you? It might be, that not all of them are helping you anymore.
Since most of our beliefs come from years of repeating them inside our heads (beliefs are nothing more than thoughts you keep thinking for years, after years, after years) we can become aware of these thoughts, and decide to have different thoughts.
That might take some training, perseverance and dedication, but it can be done.
If I did it, so can you.
5. Question reality. How real is real?
Now we’re on the subject of our beliefs and what we see as the truth, we can start to question reality itself.
This may sound far fetched, but isn’t really. Stay with me for a second.
What if my beliefs, combined with my results, are just keeping me in a loop? What if you would make different choices, wouldn’t also the results become different, than we had before?
Yes, of course. Our actions determine our results. And that result is what we experience as ‘real’.
By breaking the beliefs, thinking and feeling differently than before, we start taking different actions, the results also have to change. It’s just how things work, right?
The problem is, that results don’t come at the exact same time you’re making different choices than before. Like with my running. It took a month to see some serious improvement after my initial decision.
So if we keep connecting our results (aka ‘reality’) to our thoughts, feelings and actions, we’ll never break out of our own loop!
We have to trust, have faith, that the thoughts, feelings and actions lead to different results. The problem is just that we don’t know when the result will show. But it is a matter of logic. It has to come. There’s no other way.
Now this breaking the loop process is extremely hard. Because our brain (again) is trying to protect us from danger. And unknown results are more dangerous than ‘predictable’ results — the loop. So it tries to stay current in the status quo.
Our Reticular Activating System (RAS) is actually designed to monitor our current reality with our thoughts. Ever experienced when you decided to by a new car, all of a sudden you see that car everywhere?
That’s what your RAS is doing. It’s connecting the dots for you so you know you made the right decision. Pretty smart.
Now most of the time, that’s helping you staying safe. But it is not helping you in your change process. It’s actually working against you, and your change (that’s why it’s so hard).
So we have to bypass that RAS in our change process. So we can’t just stay in automatic mode and let the RAS search for proof that our decision was the right one. Because that proof isn’t there yet, it can’t be predicted from out the loop.
We have to actively search for proof.
After a week, I saw that I could run 200 meters. THAT IS PROOF IT WORKS!
After a month, I noticed I could maintain my speed longer and wasn’t gasping for air all the time like a fish on dry land. PROOF AGAIN!
Create the reality you want, and you keep seeing it for yourself.
Did you know our subconscious mind can not notice the difference between ‘reality in the now’ and a very vivid, conscious thought we create?
Let me explain real short:
We’ve all experienced this in life. We worry. About something that might happen in the future. “She will probably reject me when I talk to her” is what you think before you decide to go talk to that girl at the bar. “What will my boss think of me after this presentation I just had, did he see me struggle?”
We’ve all been there.
And how did that make you feel?
Right.
You controlled your feelings based on something that hasn’t even happened — and might even not happen at all!
With just a thought. Isn’t that something. Who knew, you could create feelings with a thought alone!
It is because your subconscious mind can not notice the difference between reality and a conscious, vivid thought, so it produces the same biomarkers to activate you.
So let’s use that!
6. Think towards the future and cherish the past!
Instead of worrying about something to happen in the future, create a vivid thought of what you want to achieve!
How would it feel to become a copywriter? How would it feel that you could get up in the morning like that? Getting ready, having your favorite flavor of coffee filling the space of your office, while you open your laptop and the only things on your to do list are: write a newsletter for client A, write the outline for a salespage for client B, walk the dog, pick up the kids, and write a blog post for your own website?
That would feel pretty amazing right? If copywriting is your passion you want to pursue of course — you get the idea.
Start visualizing like this example of your dream day. How would that ‘ordinary day in your new life’ look like? What would you do? And with whom? How late do you get up? What do you see when you look out of the window? What do you hear? Smell? Feel?
Make it vivid. Make it real — in your mind, as if you are experiencing it right now, and your mind won’t know the difference. The difference however, is that your whole system, your body, mind and soul are now focused on what you do want, instead of what you don’t want. You can start creating your future, based on your own intentions. And everything will line up for that to happen, including the actions you take and the opportunities you recognize.
Should we disqualify our past then? Or ignore our present?
Well, no. Our past has brought us where we are now. Even the bad days. Just see them as what they are. The past. They no longer hold you in their loop, because the past is just the past. And has nothing to do with what you decide for today or for tomorrow.
It’s a memory of what was, and you can acknowledge the lessons you’ve learned. Be thankful for them.
Gratitude is always a good thing to be aware of and practice regularly.
“Gratitude is the fastest way to happiness”
Ignore the ‘reality’? No, don’t ignore it, that’s a bit extreem. But don’t hold on to it either as it being the determination for tomorrow.
It has nothing to do with it.
You do.
Your mind does.
Your feeling does.
And the actions you’re about to take do.
So step by step, you will reach the 5km marker. 10km. 20. And if you keep going, you will be able to run a marathon. Become an inventor. A game tester. A famous YouTuber. Because that is who you have become.
“When you think the sky is the limit, you’re still defining a limit. “— Matthew McConaughey
And with those words of the actor and for many surprisingly very inspiring Matthew McConaughey, I challenge you: define your new future with no limits, because results of the past, don’t have to be a guarantee for your future.
Everything IS possible.
It’s up to you.
